chlöe's righeous return. (thanks john) 

i’ve been on hiatus from this thing for a while because, well, i lost interest. however, something has just happened that completely warrants a new blog post. i have just been informed that i have EARNED a new aspire visa gold card! it can be used at millions of places around the world AND it has a $3,250 credit line!
personally, i thought i was doing a fantastic job of unnecessarily using my platinum visa card, but never could i have imagined that all my hard work of spending money without having a job would actually earn me a new credit card! last week, i must have spent at least $300 in new york city, but i haven’t done any major monetary damage to myself since perhaps last september so it seemed about time. lately, i’ve fallen into the spoiled middle-class trap of claiming to not be a materialist while never truly having to worry about money. would it be true to say that the two unpaid internships i have with non-profits allow me to use my privilege to my advantage? i wouldn’t necessarily be able to do either of them if i was trying to pay next months rent, yet i’m also hoping that these activities will add to my resume experience towards higher paying jobs in the future. i wouldn’t have admitted this a few months ago, but since money clearly equals power in this country, i want to make as much money as i can while spending as little of it as possible. this is the only way i can think of to make any sort of change in the consumer revolution.
it is unfortunate that there are two different extremes of popular aesthetics among today's youth, and both of them compromise their ultimate power. one is to show wealth, another is to look poverty-stricken. both are appropriated by those who do not necessarily fall into the economic categories in which the style would naturally occur. to clarify, i mean that lower class youth are spending money they don’t have in order to look a certain way, and middle/upper class youth are renouncing money (or at least looking like they do) in order to look a certain way. both of these trends fool youth into thinking they are creating social change, when in actuality they merely perpetuate the status quo. nice.
in conclusion, i don’t think i’ll take the aspire visa gold card up on their offer. i seriously doubt that anything i aspire for could be bought on credit.


passing the time. 

You are a Deconstructionist! Everything is
relative, stretched along an unending chain of
signifiers. You cannot even read a take-out
menu without deconstructing and destabilizing
the meaning of the text. You are one of the
chosen few who understand the writing of
Jacques Derrida! You delight in making meaning,
and taking meaning, trashing meaning and
bashing meaning, slaying meaning and playing
meaning. And you also like green eggs and ham.
No one understands you or really likes being
around you, but you don't care; they may not
exist anyway.

What kind of literary critic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


"whoa, santa! you're totally hot for an old dude!" 

after sleeping between the hours of 2pm and 11pm once the wheatbread 24 hour issue was over, i am now eating tamari almonds and watching possibly the worst movie ever made. 'too cool for christmas' is about a 16-year-old valley girl who gives santa a makeover so that she feels better about going on a skiing trip without her parents permission. as it turns out, santa, played by a very tan george hamilton, teaches lindsey deerfield about the true meaning of christmas. it really takes the cake on awful.

some wheatbread 24 hour issue highlights:
-the sound guy didn't show up (either because the student activities woman didn't book them like she said she did or he just didn't show), but luckily one of the bands we booked had their own sound equipment and knew how to work sound. we paid them extra so they would stay to work sound for all the bands.
-'we built walls,'staff jake's band, was way better than i expected. actually, 8 out of the 9 bands were way better than i expected (mine included). i'm very impressed by the amount of talent among the people i know.
- i think i have some bruised ribs from being at the bottom of a dog pile during the terribles set. to the person i bit while trying to get out, sorry about that.
- i was flabbergasted for a full 4 hours when i thought someone had stolen the 2, 2 gallon tubs of ice cream that were donated, but it turned out that sean had just put them outside in the snow and didn't tell anyone.
-'trapped in the closet,' a hip-hopera in 12 parts by r.kelly, exceeded my expectations. as did 'rock and rule,' a cartoon about a futuristic animal-human rock band with songs by iggy pop, lou reed, and debbie harry.
- seven people managed to make it till annie's opened at 6am. it was snowing a ridiculous amount and we escaped from a stalker.
- i consumed way too many energy drinks, but it was the first time i didn't drink any alcohol in the last 4 years i've been going to the 24 hour issue.
- not that this is a highlight, but i got an extension on the extension i already had on an art paper. even though i managed to write a few pages during the 24 hour issue, i definitely wouldn't have been able to finish it by 4pm today. however, i didn't find out i had more of an extension till about 10am today so the entire night was partially tainted by thoughts of dread about failing out of school.
special thanks to: all the people i asked the day before to pick up food donations because the one vehically-inclined girl on staff had her car break down (daisy, cindy, and dean), jake for pulling me out from under a bunch of guys and for letting me borrow a t-shirt once the place got too hot, a kid named monty for being the most entertaining person at 5 am, a freshman who treated me to lunch in the caf at 11.45am because i was delirious, the docile rent-a-cop, and everyone that submitted their work to the magazine after asking "wait, so you're really going to print this?".
even though the magazine wasn't put together even a little bit in the whole 24 hours, i think the entire event went pretty well considering it didn't have much of a point after all.

i'm really not looking forward to 4 days of nonstop brain work, but i guess that's the price i pay for privilege, so i won't complain. best of luck if you're reading this and you also have finals. don't get distracted by bad made-for-lifetime-channel movies or the susan lucci skin care line informercials that follow them.


spiritual awakening. 

i haven't done this in a while and here's why:
i'm pretty sure you're secretly in love with me and i don't want to give you anymore information about my personal life than you would be able to find out yourself by bugging my cell phone.
however, i've always been a sucker for divulging my life so if you MUST know:

i'm now a blonde and i've found God. i'm on a serious pilgrimage for knowledge and purpose in a seemingly meaningless world. i haven't read gawker in over a week. i've denounced current fashion and am only wearing large, sack-like garments with slip on footwear. like satie, my diet consists of only white foods, with the occasional indulgence of pomegranate seeds. any conversation i have with another individual is made up entirely of words i've never heard strung together before. japanese noise music and late miles davis disorganized jazz are the only sounds i will allow in my presence.

you probably think that these changes in my life seem extreme. extreme measures must be taken to signify a rejection of my former self, for i have clearly transcended the baseness of my society and my roots. do not think that i am unapproachable or that tapping my phone is now off limits. i will still allow access to me because, although i am better than you, i have learned that God is in the smallest of vermin to the most powerful of queens (obviously a metaphor for me, your humble superior, chlöe).

oh wow. pretention is awful.
really though, i am a blonde, in case you wanted to know.


angsty teen/existential crisis 

what's the point of youth if not to have good things to remember when you're older?

what's the point of doing anything if your memory completely fails?

as beckett considered, the point is there is no point.


i want to live and die in fuschia rayon. 

i've been listening to a lot to these mix tapes i bought from calvin johnson, particularly the compilations of girl punk bands from the late 70's/early 80's. they're really good and i'm tempted to have this was hypersection become a vehicle to exhibit my obsession with that kind of sound. we came up with one and half new songs at band rehearsal tonight, one that is based on something i said to andrew on friday night and the other half is a sort of doo-wop-y love song about everyone being dead or mutants or something. very sweet. i'm proud of us for managing to get through nearly 3 hours of practice before turning into cranky 10 year olds, usually we get that way after an hour or so. granted, tiffiniy fed us half way through, but it was still exceptional.
i was supposed to go to providence at least twice this weekend and didn't go even once. instead, wildly unpredictable, yet fairly tame events went underway. the fashion photoshoot for the wheatbread went off smashingly well on friday afternoon, shocking nearly everyone who saw our models. friday evening, i went to volunteer at the co-op and the wife of a guy from the band, mewithoutyou, was shopping for food to feed the band members before their show at the worcester palladium later that night. she invited me to join them for dinner, and never being one to refuse free food, i hung out in their tour bus and later watched their sets from the side of the stage. i wasn't phased until someone from the crowd of highschoolers lined up to see the show took my picture as i tried to leave the bus at one point. the bands i met, mewithoutyou and blood brothers, and their wives/girlfriends were all really friendly and awesome, but i didn't want to stick around to see coheed and cambria, the headlining band, so i left to play hide-and-go-treat at the forbes mansion. i invited them to the party and didn't expect them to come, but they actually tried to come, but got lost a few times and decided to just drive on to their next gig in upstate ny.
yesterday, i didn't leave my apartment once and had a great time. i slept in, read, made sweet potato home fries and terrible cookies, drew pictures, watched the mark twain comedy award to steve martin on pbs, danced, and it was 5 am before i knew it. there’s this preconception, and it’s one to which i also occasionally subscribe, that spending time alone is depressing, or that those who spend time alone must be depressed. it’s funny, because i think of it as spending time with myself rather than spending time alone. perhaps it’s just different wording, but it’s significant that i think of my self as another self to spend time with. being an only child, i have the benefit of knowing how to amuse myself, a skill i rarely have time or perspective to appreciate anymore.
i don't have any way to end this...
"they laughed at joan of arc, but she went right ahead and built it." - gracie allen.


success, that bitch-goddess. 

today was proscuitto day on slashfood.com. if i had known, i wouldn't have passed up the expensive proscuitto i was inexplicably craving when daisy and i were at the health food store on saturday. instead, we bought cinnamon raisin ezekiel bread for french toast and a large amount of salad ingredients. western massachusetts had gorgeous weather that day so we went to a national state park in between eating french toast and the delicious salad we had with a squash and tofu dish. more events in my life should be remembered through meals.
so, my band, this was hypersection, opened for a band called enon before halloween weekend in the grind at clark. the show wasn't as great as it could have been and the audience of clark kids was really unresponsive. this freshman writing for clark's student newspaper gave us a really horrible review, calling us "painful" and claiming that all of the applause we received was out of pity. i was pretty annoyed by this, first of all, because our friends definately clapped out of enjoyment rather than pity, and also, i knew he just didn't get it. after i found out what the kid looked like, i actually saw him and a friend walking to the toy piano concert i attended at clark on friday night. i was feeling sort of gutsy so i asked him his name (just to make sure i was going to pick on the right guy) and told him that i was in the band he completely dissed. he probably wasn't scared, more like shocked at my confrontation, but he didn't defend himself at all which just got me more annoyed. i told him that he mis-wrote our name (he gave us an "is" rather than a "was" for our hypersection) and went on to tell him that he just didn't get it. it was real bitchy, but, like i said, i was annoyed.
anyways, this made me nervous for our show at as220 because i was unsure of whether or not it was really just friends that appreciated us as a band. also, we couldn't practice together before we performed and i'm not too confident in my retention skills. however, i don't think the show could have gone any better. when our band finished, i wanted to do it again because it was so ridiculously fun. clearly, we were playing for the wrong crowd at clark because these providence kids were such a good audience. i've talked with a few people about how you can tell you're in a good place when you actually like your fans. it also didn't hurt that all the other artists/musicians were really great. the whole thing was altogether one of the best shows i've ever been to because it was this awesome collaboration of a lot of different musical forms, performance pieces, experimental film, and artist's work. it was only an added bonus that our band was able to perform and one of my favorite parts about performing was watching people having fun during our set.
this leads me to the fact that this as220 show was the only thing i had been looking forward to for a while and i'm about to venture into what i've entitled "the week of no fun". i must write a million essays, catch up on my classes in general, register for next semesters classes, make my current advisor not hate me, change my advisor back to the one that doesn't dislike me so much, and put together ton of things for the wheatbread magazine. the wheatbread has to go to press after next weekend and i need to write several articles, plus do a photoshoot which will mock this horrible new magazine on campus called "stir". all the plans for the 24 hour issue which will be happening at the beginning of december must be arranged and submitted to the student activities director. so far, i've structured my schedule in a way that allows me to have just barely enough time to fit in eating and sleeping. ew, just typing the words, "i've structured my schedule," makes me want to vomit.
i can't think of a good way to end this obvious stream-of-conciousness post, so here's something from the book i'm currently reading,'lady chatterley's lover":
"The bitch-goddess, as she is called, of Success, roamed, snarling and protective, round the half-humble, half-defiant Michaelis' heels, and intimidated Clifford completely: for he wanted to prostitute himself to the bitch-goddess Success also, if only she would have him."

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